Shubh Vivaah..............
From birth to death, a human being goes through several stages in life — such as childhood, youth, and old age. As long as a person lives, they pass through these stages. In our culture, our ancestors, with deep thought and foresight, laid down a systematic framework in the scriptures describing which aspects of life should be given importance at each stage.
If we look closely, all these stages are important. But among them, one significant stage is Gṛhasthāśrama (the stage of household life). In Hinduism, sixteen sacraments (saṁskāras) are prescribed from birth till death, and marriage is considered one of the most important among them. The scriptures compare a newly married couple to Lakshmi and Narayana — a reflection of the sacredness and importance given to this relationship in our culture.
Marriage is a sacred bond. In our social system too, the marriage ritual holds special importance. Marriage is not just about two individuals; it is about the union of two families and two cultures. In my opinion, the heritage of culture that has been preserved in India for generations, and the moral teachings that continue to be safeguarded, owe much to the institution of marriage. I truly believe that marriage forms one of the foundations of Indian culture. Since ancient times, we have had a joint family system, and that tradition has been carried forward. It is perhaps because of the institution of marriage that our culture and traditions have remained alive to this day.
Marriage customs vary according to each person’s religion and tradition. The rituals and practices may differ, but the purpose remains the same everywhere — to unite two lives in a sacred bond.
Earlier, when marriages were arranged, they usually took place within familiar circles or among acquaintances. The elders of the family decided the match, and the bride and groom often saw each other for the first time only under the wedding canopy. While selecting a match — whether a boy or a girl — greater importance was given to family background and upbringing. A groom was chosen not so much for his wealth as for his character and accomplishments. Similarly, while choosing a bride, her nature and her ability to become a responsible homemaker were the main criteria.
In those days, weddings were usually held in the family mansion. Families were large, and the gathering mainly consisted of relatives and close kin. The ceremony was conducted simply. At that time, blessings and good wishes were valued more than expensive gifts. Meals were served in rows, in a simple manner, with a few selected dishes and always one sweet item — all served on banana leaves. If the groom was from another town, his family and relatives would arrive by bullock carts or on horseback. If a photographer was available, there would be a small collection of black-and-white photographs capturing some key moments — what we now call a wedding album.
Everyone may not agree with my next opinion. Times have changed — not only the form of marriage but even the purpose behind getting married has changed. In fact, it is we ourselves who have changed it. What I strongly feel here is the influence of films. The wedding day is one of the most important days in anyone’s life. Especially in youth, people dream about it and make efforts so that the day remains etched in memory forever. But we need to reflect on whether marriage has remained a sacred rite or has now become a grand celebration. There is a saying in our culture: “Desire knows no price.” Everyone has the freedom to express their happiness in their own way and decide how much they wish to spend. A wedding is celebrated as a joyous event because it marks an important moment in life — but personally, I do not fully agree with this approach. The only thing we must ensure is that our joy should not cause inconvenience to anyone else or harm anyone in any way.
In today’s wedding ceremonies, there are pre-wedding shoots, wedding photos, and even post-wedding shoots. Amid the craze for expensive clothes, lavish venues, and destination weddings, we should not forget the true essence of marriage. Nowadays, wedding feasts include a huge variety of dishes to suit everyone’s tastes and preferences. Even today, people often judge the success of a wedding by the quality and taste of the food. Unfortunately, during such celebrations, a large amount of food and water goes to waste.
Given how we have shaped the concept of marriage today, it is necessary to consider not just the celebration and enjoyment but also the financial aspects. Perhaps this is why, whenever a daughter is born, the first thought that comes to her parents’ minds is: “Let’s raise her well, educate her, and one day arrange her wedding in great style and grandeur. For that, we must start saving money right now.” They wish to nurture her, make her physically and mentally strong so that she can face any situation in life, and eventually get her married — grandly — to a prince-like man of her choice and compatibility. This is the wish of almost every parent, whether of a son or a daughter. There is nothing wrong in having such a dream. But the problem is that for this one day of grandeur, enormous amounts of money are spent. Even though a wedding is a joyous occasion, instead of flaunting it with processions, DJs, and loud fireworks, we should celebrate our happiness in a more mindful and considerate way. Many hospitals are located nearby, and in the neighborhood, there are elderly people, children, and students who suffer because of the noise — this trouble can certainly be avoided. Often, to meet wedding expenses, loans are taken, gold is sold, and the money saved through years of hard work — meant for the future or emergencies — is exhausted in just one day. Nowadays, many families share wedding expenses equally, which is truly a good and positive trend. I would further suggest that if both the bride and groom are earning, they should take responsibility for the wedding expenses themselves. This way, neither set of parents will feel financially burdened, and the expenses will remain within limits.
In today’s busy times, people rarely visit each other without a specific reason. If someone drops by unannounced, it even feels unusual! (A detailed write-up on this topic is already shared here — in Marathi. I’ll share the English version of that blog soon:https://sunitkulkarni.blogspot.com/2023/03/blog-post.html). Weddings, therefore, become a wonderful excuse for people to meet. (And yes, whether it’s about a missing name on the invitation card or the kind of respect and gifts exchanged — some drama of displeasure is bound to happen 😉😉😉. After all, every family has its share of such stories 😅😅😅).
Many people say that weddings are an act of Annadāna (food donation). But truly speaking, Annadāna means feeding those who otherwise go hungry. Feeding people at weddings cannot really be called Annadāna. Weddings, however, serve as wonderful get-togethers where families and friends come together. When we otherwise don’t find time to meet, this occasion brings everyone face-to-face.
We are human beings, and naturally we have certain needs — food, clothing, and shelter being the basic ones. In the same way, mental and physical needs are equally important. To fulfill these needs within a social framework, we have the family system — and the foundation of that system is marriage.
“Santushto bhāryayā bhartā, bhartrā bhāryā tathaiva cha;
Yasminneva nityaṁ kalyāṇaṁ, tatra vai dhruvam.”
This means that in the family where husband and wife live happily together, prosperity and growth remain forever. In my opinion, marriage should be viewed more as a mental and emotional need rather than merely a physical one. Understanding each other’s joys and sorrows, and sharing thoughts, is equally important. Marriage does not mean exercising authority over one another — financially, mentally, or physically. Just because you are married does not give you absolute freedom or license to do as you please. Imposing authority on your partner without their consent is very wrong.
When viewed this way, all the fun and celebration surrounding a wedding is perfectly fine. As both families expand, new relationships are formed — and along with them, new responsibilities. The newly married couple carries the responsibility of nurturing the next generation. That’s why both the bride and groom should be aware of this fact when they marry. (I will write about this topic in detail in a separate article.) Before marriage, I personally believe that physical or medical checkups for both should be considered important, because proper medical guidance can help prevent hereditary diseases such as thalassemia or other genetic disorders in the next generation.
I’m making a slightly bold statement here — marriage doesn’t always have to be only for the purpose of having children or continuing the family lineage. Whether to have a child, when to have one, or how many to have is a deeply personal matter for the couple. Some people may simply want lifelong companionship — and they may marry for that reason too. (Here, I want to make it absolutely clear that I do not support or endorse live-in relationships in any way, and I never will.)
The choice of the right life partner is crucial for beginning a new journey of life, because after marriage, the rest of your life’s path is shared with that person. As I’ve said before — when to marry, whom to marry, and how to marry are entirely personal decisions. Therefore, I do not suggest anything to anyone in this regard. My only opinion is this: while choosing a life partner, just as we give importance to financial status, appearance, and education, we must also give equal importance to understanding the person’s thoughts, nature, and character. Financial conditions and beauty can change with time and circumstances, but good thoughts and values remain steady and help one face any challenge with courage. Marriage, though a union of two individuals, also involves respecting the opinions and sentiments of both sets of parents and elders in the family.
None of us are perfect — everyone has some flaws or shortcomings. In my opinion, when we get married, our partner supports us in areas where we fall short and helps us overcome our weaknesses. Just like the fingers on our hands are not all the same, yet when they come together, they can accomplish anything — that’s what marriage truly means. Marriage is sacred, and that’s why it is called a “Shubh Vivaah” — an auspicious union.
Thank you,
Sunit Kulkarni
+91 9422292820
sunitkulkarni@hotmail.com
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